Portugeuse has a brilliant word that can’t really be translated in any other language. 

Saudade. It’s my favorite word in Portuguese and perfectly sums up my time in Brazil. 

Saudade signifies an intense feeling of longing. People often use it when they want to say, “I miss you.” But it is deeper than that. I could try to use the word “nostalgia,” which would be a good attempt. But it isn’t enough. 

In Brazil, I heard this word constantly.  

Saudades de você! 

A vida me parece bela e mágica, mas morro de saudade de você.

It’s found in popular music. 

Chega de saudade. 

A realidade é que sem ela não há paz. 

Or

Ai que saudade do amor

Do cheiro daquela flor

Onde ela foi parar

Saudade is how I feel about Brazil and Portuguese in general. I miss it. I long for it. I feel I never got to fully embrace it. 

I feel a heaviness in my chest when I think about Brazil —how beautiful and biodiverse it is, the welcoming kindness of its residents, the friends I made, the things I got to do and see. And then I think of all the things I never got to do and never will. 

It fills me with a feeling I can’t quite explain. It makes me grateful, happy and deeply sad at once. It is a feeling of melancholy and anticipation and the remembrance of happier days. It is staying up late when everyone else is asleep and watching the fireflies flicker outside the window. It’s biting into your first pastel at the Sunday market and sipping on a cup of sweet sugarcane juice. It is marching in the streets with a crowd of thousands as people play drums and dance to Afro-Latino music. It is watching your students grow and gain confidence, and wanting to reach out and hug them. It is knowing you never will again. 

It was difficult for me to decide to leave Brazil. I know it was the right choice, but I still feel this saudade. All I can think is: Don’t take any moment or interaction for granted. 

Brasil, eu adoro. I will be back.